The Shame In Being A Brown Asian Man - Racism - Untouchable in England

January 8, 2019


I remember this feeling since childhood that somehow I was different. Being the only brown man throughout my school days and rarely seeing anyone in the small town I grew up in. Magazines and films all being dominated by nobody that looked like me. How awful it felt to walk around the world, feeling so ugly, disgusting and lower than my fellow white man.


Looking back, any negative feelings I had quickly jumped onto the idea of me being brown and that is why I was feeling these emotions. In many ways the shame of feeling these emotions hid with the idea that being brown was the issue. It perpetuated itself by using this belief and as a society we fail each other by not talking about race openly it obviously gets split off into the unconscious and manifests in awful, painful, traumatic experiences for oneself and others.


Recently I was in touch with old wounds and named the feeling to a friend, of being an untouchable, the lowest caste in Indian but in England. That is what it has always felt like. Whether one acknowledges it or not it is there in the unconscious, this post will hopefully being it into consciousness. I do believe this is why ethnic minorities struggle to integrate with other races. Not only does it feel unsafe it also feels very exposing to these kind of strong energies playing out.



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