Toxic Shame - Not Wanting To Be Seen or Heard - Venom

June 19, 2018


We would do anything and everything to avoid the feelings associated with toxic shame. It reminds me of a separate entity with its own voice and character that we start identifying with, which takes over us and our entire lives. Insidiously making the world smaller and smaller while growing in dominance. It reminds me of the upcoming movie Venom with Tom Hardy, the substance leaches onto the person for survival and slowly takes over.


Of course as an emotion we all have the same capacity to experience shame. However, the way shame works is crafty once the patterns and behaviours become unconscious. Shame never wants to be seen or acknowledged, it is always the other persons fault or the place. To me this is the highest level of protection to keep us safe. In such a twisted way we feel safe in our small world and can continue to find faults in another.


When compassion grows, after time shame is no longer needed to keep us safe in our small world. We can finally let go of it by stepping into vulnerability and naming how we feel/think. Shinning light on shame dissolves it! The only way out of shame is to find the courage to step into our vulnerability and name/own whatever the fuck it is we are hiding. Anything hidden just eats away at you inside and on top of this we waste valuable energy in continuing to keep these same patterns/behaviours ongoing. Why would we do this rather than be authentic and express our true feelings/emotions/thoughts? That seems to be the purpose of shame.



Thanks to Felix for the artwork - check out more of his work on Instagram @ felixschmidt_art


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