Spiritual Awakening - Utter Despair

January 28, 2018


This is a short post but a follow up from the previous one about being stuck/lost after an awakening. I'm not sure despair is the right word as it is defined as having no hope which was not true at all, but no other word comes close to the feeling experienced. It's full of paradox and sounds contradicting... You are full of hope and optimism for the future but at the same time there is this strange sense that nothing will ever change or get better. You're stuck between doing things and doing nothing as both feel pretty pointless. Like things are getting worse but at the same time you know things are improving and getting better. You are left with a knowing this time that is difficult to explain but you just know things will work out so you keep persisting.


Really it feels like your entire world is falling apart and everything in it. The ego defences are being made conscious and are trying to survive (like dying psychologically). Despair felt like time-off from the world, a chance to process/integrate and understand things at a deeper level. It gives one the chance to rest, gain more insights and address old issues that arise. When the feeling of despair arises on the journey it is best to be with it and rest with it fully. In time things will shift and change with the feeling being temporary. I recall this feeling lasting over many months or even a whole year but it does eventually pass.


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